My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
I'm pretty sure a girl doesn't give it up with a reverse cow girl...
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
So far in the last ten minutes I have tried to pour cereal into a plate. Today's gonna be a great day.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
Randomize
