i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I just need to repress my desire to share my impressive chugging abilities with the world and I won't black out so much
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I think it's important to not involve Bar Food in any near future decisions.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
At what point can I admit that I hate going to house parties?
I don't wanna stand in your shitty kitchen making small talk while I guard the quality booze I brought.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
