I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
i came home at 4 a.m. and made a dozen eggs and three lbs. of bacon. my mom woke up and the only thing she was pissed about was that i used the whole carton of eggs, but then she sat down and ate with me
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
