how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
And God said, "Let there be Twilight," and it was so.
I should injure you considerably.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Moral of the story: don't get pregs or your chances in the beer league are over
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Well shove his head down there and tell him not to stop til we have a new president!
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Randomize
