My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
i gained so much weight this year, i put on my string bikini underwear and couldnt see the string anymore! i hate my life.
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
