dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
