i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
Alright, text me when you get close. I've got a mustache and I'm ready to get my day drunk on.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
