Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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