never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
I did not marry a roomba.
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