I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
found a better reason to procrastinate than the usual sunday-don't-give-no-fucks. literally every one of my textbooks is soaked in captain. can't turn a page without gagging.
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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