3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
you cant ever make fun of my bong's stick on moustache again. its the reason the cop let me keep it and my weed.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
