I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
I am drunk at a castle and it isn't even 3. Europe is amazing.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
He showed up on school grounds wearing nothing but a suit of armor. Really at this point I'm more impressed than angry.
Randomize
