the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
I've discovered that regular handcuff keys, sadly, do not work on real police handcuffs.
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
Did you finish that presentation yet?
No but don’t worry about it. I do my best work in the middle of the night. I’m like a hamster.
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