Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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