I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There was no eligible dick at the ER. I'm pissed. Looks like "Searching for Strange at the Local Free Clinic" is a no go for the name of our first full length album. On the other hand, I got a dilaudid shot and I no longer feel like I have the worst bladder infection of my life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
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