I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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