I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
Who died my cat blue again?
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
