yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
