Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
i figure i've seen his cum stains on the floor, i'm allowed to say these things.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
We're all just looking at each other quietly, hoping that no one brings up last nights shenanigans.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
