I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
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I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
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My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
He just showed up. He's like 5'8 and brought a beer pong table that has " I love gay boys" on it. How could this go wrong
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
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