New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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