i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
Why did you put hummus in my pillow case?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
Seriously just told the plant the cheese Pringles are mine.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
