I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
all i've had to eat today is leftover bday cake and a shot of tequila.
welcome to college.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I made out with the hosts' boyfriend, infront of her, drank way too much, slept in my car and convinced everyone that I'm really a nice person. If that's not skilled lying, I don't know what is.
Randomize
