I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
how goes living off caffiene and alcohol?
i may have recently shit my pants. on two separate occasions.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
