You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Just met me in 10 years...this lady keeps an emergency wine cooler in her bag
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
I mean like, my liver will beg my brain for mercy. Brainll be like I'm Greg Jennings. Liverll be like I'm Darren Sharper. Brainll be like hold my diiiiick.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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