yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
The only reason I give him head is because I know i'll get a back rub.
wow.
But it's a REALLY good back rub.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
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