I'm so high I just tried to eat a hair tie thinking it was one of my pretzels.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
