remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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