...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Let's get the cat blown out
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
Randomize
