I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
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Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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