im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Randomize
