Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Apparently im getting a reputation for how i mix drinks. Im the midas of booze. Everything i touch turns to koolaid.
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
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