Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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