I can tuck mytits in my pants
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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