Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
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