Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
When i sexted him a pic of my boobs I was worried he was going to notice the dorito crumbs and know I was just eating topless
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
How bad was it?
Stopped drinking Sunday, hungover on Tuesday bad.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
