Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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