my vag is so smooth its legendary
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
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he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
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You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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