Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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