Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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