Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize