she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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