Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
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