I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Randomize
