I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
I’ve got a lot of questions but the first one has to be where you got the flame thrower.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
