i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I have too much respect and admiration for my dick to put it into a situation where he could possibly be killed
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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