who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I almost caused an explosion; It's okay though. because everyone would have died having a good time.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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