I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
On a side note I can sing drakes “best I ever had” so good you’d think I was on degrassi.
You have to stop making references to your extense knowledge of 13 year old girl television programming for me to believe you aren’t homo. The Bravo line-up was one thing, but seriously
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
HAPPY BIRTHDAY I ATE TOO MUCH OF AN EDIBLE AND TOLD MY BARISTA I LOVED HER
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