After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
Randomize
