his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
I just pawned the ring from my ex boyfriend to replace the ring I lost from my current boyfriend. #thanks
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Here's the "to do" list i just found on my phone: buy stripper pole, make sex playlist, buy febreeze
Randomize
