as soon as you compare a person to an animal, all sexual interest is out the window
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
You went around chanting "dinosaur period" and drinking tomato soup from the can.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Randomize
