I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
How naked do you want me to be?
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