Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
Randomize
