i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize