OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
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Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my nap took me to another dimension
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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