Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
And I'm stuck at home while my dad's in vegas hanging out with Zach gali... Zach... That guy from the hangover
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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