Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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