I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He's taking me to Tao. This is going to be so weird. How do you go on a first date with a guy that has seen you naked more times than clothed?
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
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