no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Just bought a dildo. Happy first time single in four years Valentine's Day to me
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
