I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
