Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
It'd probably just be a lot of profanity and hyperventilation and deteriorating into tears anyways
so just a regular conversation then
I think it's getting serious, we started a jigsaw puzzle together.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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