you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
