He spelled "beautiful" wrong in his text
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
