i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
and you fell through a lawn chair
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
