i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
She once gave me sex advice over the phone while intoxicated. So no you don't have the cooler therapist.
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Randomize
