Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
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